Jesus has long since been co-opted by Christians. The Jews, God's Chosen People, didn't exactly, well, you know... anyway, Jesus certainly wouldn't chose to go back to His roots in Israel to live. Too much missle-launching and rock-throwing.
So where would He live?
I don't know where He would live (maybe in Malibu, near His pal Mel Gibson), but it's a cinch He 1) already has too many homes in Stafford, Texas and 2) would run all His business enterprises in Florida.
In a recent
Los Angeles Times story (click quick, they tend to lock their stories away in the vaults pretty fast) Mayor Leonard Scarcella says, "Our city has an excessive number of churches."
Currently there are 51 tax-exempt religious institutions within the city limits, and the mayor doesn't want to see Number 52.
Located near Houston, this town of 19,277 has 51 chuches and religious organizations packed into its seven square miles.
Scarcella is mayor of this Houston-area community, which has 51 churches and other religious institutions packed into its 7 square miles. With only 300 undeveloped acres left in town, the mayor is crying out for businesses — someone to pay taxes — to move into their town.
Stafford is the largest city in Texas that doesn't have a property tax. Its government is run on the proceeds of sales taxes and business fees.
But churches don't pay sales taxes and business fees.
"It's thrown everything out of balance, plus providing zero revenue. Somebody's got to pay for police, fire and schools," City Councilman Cecil Willis said.
Churches are everywhere, in traditional church buildings as well as in strip shopping centers. There are 17 churches within a quarter-mile of the city's center. There's even one tucked in behind a muffler shop. Southern Baptists, Formosan Baptists, Chinese Baptists, Formosan Evangelicals, Buddhists, Muslims, Filipino Baptists, Spanish-speaking Baptists (my, there are a lot of Baptists — but, interestingly, not a single synagogue), and "every other variety of Christian you can imagine," Scarcella said.
An ordinance was eventually passed that required those who wanted to build a church — and other public gathering places, such as bowling alleys and community halls — to undergo a rigorous review process and obtain City Council approval.
Before the ordinance, "you could pretty much come in here and say, 'I want to open up a church,' and I'd say, 'OK,'" said Gene Bane, the city's director of building permits.
"If you can't find religion in Stafford, Texas, you ain't looking hard enough," Bane said.
Very few of the church-goers actually live in or even near Stafford. "As best as we've been able to determine, the overwhelming majority of people who attend here don't even live in Stafford; they're coming from everywhere else," Willis said. Stafford is about 15 miles from both Houston and Sugarland.
"I don't hate God. I'm not against America and apple pie," Willis said. "We just have to protect what's left for commercial development."
Willis said he asked the last six applicants why they wanted to build a church in Stafford. "Every one of them said they prayed about it, and God said to come here," he said. "I can't compete with that, so here we are."
Apparently some business investors have been praying, too, seeking exactly where Jesus wanted them to open Bible-themed enterprises. His Answer: Florida!
Move over, Walt! Move over,
Domino's Catholic City! Here's comes Bible Land!
On July 1, 2006,
Florida Statute 196.1987 went into effect, granting tax-free status (no sales tax liability or need to pay property tax) to any business run by a church organization that wishes to "exhibit, illustrate, and interpret Biblical manuscripts, codices, stone tablets, and other Biblical archives; provide live and recorded demonstrations, explanations, reenactments, and illustrations of Biblical history and Biblical worship; and exhibit times, places, and events of Biblical history and significance, when such activity is open to the public and is available to the public for no admission charge at least one day each calendar year...."
Wow... one day a year you gotta let a few people in for free, and the rest of the time, make money hand-over-fist (okay, assuming anyone actually wants to visit Bible Land) the other 364 days of the year.
Tax advisor and law professor Linda Beale writes that this law was passed specifically to make life easier for an Orlando-based themepark called the
Holy Land Experience. She said
Kent Hovind, the creationist who says dinosaurs roamed the earth during Bible times, is trying his Dinoland theme park under this law, too.
(I wonder if the Holy Land Experience themepark has rides where you get to shoot missiles at your neighbors?)
Of course, lawyers and lobbyists for Bhagavad-Gita Playland and Six Flags over Mecca will cry religious discrimination, keeping this tied up in court and in the legislature until Jesus's return finally settles it Once and For All.
Jesus Christ |
Christian |
Christianity |
Churches |
Stafford, Texas |
Holy Land Experience |
Florida |
Kent Hovind
After nearly a year, a stolen Baby Jesus has been returned, along with his travelogue, the AP reports. 
Jerusalem — three of the world's "great religions" call it home and consider it holy.
When I was a wee lad being dragged to Sunday School kicking and screaming, my little sister would mangle the lyrics to the hymn "Love Lifted Me" by singing "Love Tiny Tears," a reference to a doll of that name that was then popular.
In the last several years, we've come to hear the phrase "the Christian Right" so many times that we sometimes forget there is a Christian Left, too.
